Procrastination.

Right now, I have a copy of Essentials of Statistics for the Behavioral Sciences sitting beside me, with a stack of notebook paper covered in words I do not fully understand. Currently, as you can tell, I am ignoring these ever present reminders of what awaits me in the morning. That's right, the first test. I am fear-stricken at the thought. Somehow, no matter how many first tests I take, I never seem to get over my nightmare that I will show up and be blown away by the complexity of the questions. Or maybe I will have studied the wrong material. Either way, it is never as bad as I imagine it will be. But I still sit here terrified. To lighten the mood, I'll put up a list of firsts that may also be scary, but end with much more bliss than a potential A+.

Your first bike ride. You remember. Being young, someone took you outside and removed the training wheels. Your heart skipped a few beats as you sat down. They held onto the seat like your own personal safety net, then all of a sudden you were flying! Yes, you may have fallen down and scraped your knee a few times, but you also had a first moment of independence.

Your first drive. You're in the driver's seat, with excitement pulsing through your veins. Ok, so your mom is in the passenger seat, but YOU are the one with the steering wheel in your hands and the pedals underneath your feet. If you were like me, you may have been overconfident in your abilities, but either way, you begin to control a vehicle that is capable of so much more than you alone. You are holding something very powerful, and it makes you feel free.

Your first night at college. Maybe you sat in your dorm with your awkward roommate whom you'd never met, and hoped they enjoyed the tv show you were playing on repeat. Maybe you went to some crazy party and saw things you never thought would happen. Maybe you broke some rules, maybe you even got in trouble, but for the first time you were the one making all the decisions.

I don't know why this ended up feeling like a "rights of passage" list, but I guess many of our firsts are things that we see as exciting when we receive them, and only later do we realize the responsibility we have just been handed. But for those first few moments, you feel invincible.

Off to study,
Becks